The Absurdity of Tool Academy

    

    Let me introduce you to a beautifully terrible show entitled Tool Academy. Imagine the most stereotypically dysfunctional straight relationship that you possibly can. Now, take that relationship, multiply it by nine, and put all nine of those relationships in a reality TV mansion. The girlfriends bring on their alpha male boyfriends to try to repair their attitude, and along with that, their relationships. The men have to go through a series of challenges, working together with their girlfriends to change their entire outlook on life. 

    At the beginning of the show, the men come on in their full alpha male personas. In fact, some of them have names for themselves, such as Matsuflex, M.E.G.A., and Celebrity. The show also gives them each a “tool nickname.” The men in the first season are as follows: Greek Tool, Cold-Hearted Tool, Party Tool, Playa Pimpin’ Tool, Power Tool, Slacker Tool, Loud Mouth Tool, Naked Tool, and Tiny Tool. I think you can understand just how awful (and unfortunately funny) this show is simply by this list. One of my favorite awful parts of the show is how some of the guys will change from their nickname to their actual name (for example, Matsuflex tried going by Ryan for a bit), and they’ll act like they’re a completely different person from the nickname persona. However, they’re then shown in the mansion arguing with a bunch of other dudes like they’re in the middle of a drunken frat party. They then decide to go back to their nickname. This happened multiple times with Celebrity, M.E.G.A., and Matsuflex. The sad part is that their girlfriends actually believed they could change thanks to a reality TV show.

    Tool Academy tries to get the audience to connect with the various contestants, although it’s difficult when all of their actions are either horribly offensive or downright absurd. Many of them are also incredibly forgettable, and I have no idea what their role even was in the show. The only reason I even remember Celebrity is because of well, the fact that he chose to be called Celebrity. However, there’s one person who’s annoyingly difficult to forget (surprisingly the winner of the show is also incredibly forgettable).

    Meet Shawn. Being such a douchebag, I’m surprised he didn’t choose a nickname like Celebrity or another ostentatious title. Shawn’s girlfriend Jaimee brought him on the show because of their failing relationship (great idea. An early-2000s reality show will definitely solve all of your romantic issues). I’ve blocked out the majority of the details of the show for what I think are obvious reasons, but Shawn was eventually found out for dishonesty. His other girlfriend of 6 years (Aida) then walks on and he ends up continuing the show with her. Jaimee leaves the show, which was probably for the best for her. In the reunion episode, Shawn and Aida reveal that they’re no longer together. Shawn decided that it was time to not be a tool anymore and to become a better person. How does that work out for him? Another girl walks on stage, explains that she’s four months pregnant with Shawn’s child, and says she wants nothing to do with him. What a great lad! 

    Why watch Tool Academy in the first place? Sometimes, you find yourself in a YouTube rabbit hole and end up getting sucked into the void of awful 2000s television. I think their programming honestly worked, because I ended up watching the whole thing due to a sort of combined hatred and guilty enjoyment. I have no desire to watch the show again, which is honestly probably for the best. However, my time watching Tool Academy was a blast. The incessant drama, hypocrisy, and straight up ridiculousness of the show and the contestants made it hard to look away. Despite the fact that a lot of the show is clearly staged, watching these nine dudes flounder around trying to prove that they’re actually not that bad was an entertaining circus. If I ever met any of them in real life, I’m sure I’d want nothing to do with them. However, watching them through the screen made the sad reality of alpha males a spectacle rather than the depressing horror it truly is.

    I wouldn't call this post a positive review. Would I recommend this show to select friends? Yes, and I have. Would I suggest it to someone who enjoys competent and thought-provoking programming? Absolutely not.